What's The Appropriate Response If You Saw This Giant Five-Foot Long Lizard On The Side Of Your House?

The Dodo – Eric Holland from New South Wales was walking out of his shed … when he came face to face with a lizard who is essentially Godzilla.

Holland discovered the gigantic lizard hanging out on the side of his house earlier this week, and had never seen anything like it before. He told a local radio station, “It was a bloody big shock mate.” [ED. NOTE: Classic Australian enthusiasm there]

The lizard is an abnormally large goanna lizard, and was about 5 feet long. There are 20 different species of goanna lizards, all varying in size, but clearly 5-foot-long goannas don’t normally wander around backyards.

I’ve only seen little lizards hanging around when I’ve been in an area that has those but it seems like they’re usually pretty chill and I would assume that would be the case even if they were an enormous monster the size of a pre-pubescent child. But still, I don’t think even an Australian with all the wacky animals and general indifference they have there is ready to see a beast this big clinging to his wall. Here’s 100% how I would react if I saw this thing on my house:

1) Jump back startled and hope I don’t let out a girlish shriek that others may hear because there’s no way to prepare for this monster scaling your home
2) Compose myself and try to talk to it because if you see an animal uniquely huge at your house, there’s at least a 50% chance it is magical and you can land yourself on an unexpected CS Lewis-style adventure
3) Assuming the creature is not magical or can talk and is wise and as a result becomes a de facto father figure to me, this is around the time I would throw something near it but not at it and hope it runs away
4) Call an adult

Anyway apparently the lizard just walked away shortly thereafter so it’s all moot. Or all media in Australia will soon be taken over by an army of these guys. Either one is fine to me, it’s far enough away from us to care tbh.